Secure Parenting Program
Here in the secure parenting-program I will teach you what your child's basic needs are and who you need to be in order to raise securely attached, resilient, thriving children. This program is based on my almost 25 experience as an early childhood mental health specialist and child therapist, over 60 years of attachment and developmental research, in addition to two decades of neuroscientific studies on brain development.
My name is Anyella Clark
I have been a child psychotherapist, and an early childhood and attachment specialist for almost 25 years now.
I started my career at UCSF, working for two of the world's renowned early childhood mental health programs: The Infant Parent Program and The Child Trauma Research project.
At UCSF I spent almost 10 years doing clinical work, early childhood mental health consultation to pre-schools,and research in attachment and trauma.
For the last 24 years, my work has been to guide and support parents in becoming “a safe haven” and a “secure base” from which children can grow and become healthy, competent and happy human beings. With more than 60 years of developmental and attachment research and 20 years of research into the neuroscience of brain development, we know exactly what children need to develop optimally. In the Secure Parenting Program I will help you cut through the noise of misinformation and outdated parenting norms and beliefs in order to find out what really matters when it comes to raising securely attached, resilient, thriving children.
Individual Parent Coaching
and Parenting Classes
The science is clear as day, early childhood is the most critical and vulnerable time in our lives, when what happens to us, particularly how safe we feel in our attachment relationships, shapes how our nervous system develops and the trajectory of our lives: both for good and bad. When we invest in our children's early years, they will reap the benefits for a lifetime.
Unfortunately, parenting can be very very challenging, especially for those of us who did not have parents who consistently and sensitively responded to our needs. Those of us who did not have a safe, loving unconditional relationship with our attachment figures, can often find ourselves asking “what do I do? What does my child need from me?” on a regular basis and wishing we had a manual that told us what to do.
But what if I told you that there is a manual. A perfectly uniquely personalized manual to your childs needs and that would teach you what you needed to do to raise a secure, resilient, thriving child? Well, there is such a manual, and this manual is your child.
I am here to help you learn how to read this manual. Our children are constantly telling us what they need from us, but if we don't have the right instincts (because of the way our parents responded to our needs early in life), or if we were never trained to see what their basic needs are - like I have been, it is easy to miss and to misinterpret what our children are telling us they need. In this program I teach parents what their kid's basic needs are and how to meet them. In addition, I teach them to see that their children's maladaptive behaviors are a form of communication and I teach parents to see the need behind the “misbehavior” so their children don't have to act out anymore. In the process, children and parents' relationship grow stronger and their family life become more fulfilling and harmonious. In the Secure parenting Program I will show you how your children's needs are hidden in plain sight, but once you learn how to see them, they will become clear as day.
Parenting Classes
My parenting classes are held live online, with a small group of parents and caregivers (no more than 10 parents per group - minimum of 4), for an 1hr and 30 minutes each (and may be extended to two hours if anybody has remaining questions). I always strive to create a safe, warm, welcoming environment so parents and caregivers feel free to open up and address very sensitive and personal issues (if they wish to do so, but not a requirement to participate in the group). This is a 12 week commitment that will change your life and your child's life forever. It is well worth the time and money spent and possibly one of the best investments you will ever make in your child's future.
online
group (4-10)
1h30
12 week
Individual Coaching
In my individual coaching program, I will teach you the same things I will teach in my parenting classes, but tailor the content to your specific needs and create a unique parenting plan for your family. We will meet once a week (online) for an hour - sometimes an hour and a half if needed. During that time I will help you put into practice the plan we have created together. The parenting program does not have a set number of sessions, but most parenting questions and needs can be addressed within 10 sessions. Again, the time and money commitment are well worth it.
online
individual
1h
10 week
Child-parent Psychotherapy
Child-Parent Psychotherapy is a type of psychotherapy that is geared toward children up to 5 years of age and it always includes at least one main caregiver. It was designed for children who have experienced some early trauma, loss and/or are experiencing emotional, behavior, attachment, and/or mental health problems. This trauma can be trauma with a big “T” such as physical and/or emotional abuse, serious accidents, surgeries, death of a parent, exposure to domestic violence to name a few, but it can be just as effective with small “t” traumas, such as emotional neglect, harsh parenting, chaotic home environment, bullying, etc. It can also be very useful in helping parents figure out and address several types of maladjusted behaviors or emotional problems that don't necessarily have a very clear cause. Its primary goal is to strengthen the relationship between the child and his or her caregiver in order to repair the child's sense of safety, improve the attachment bond, and restore appropriate cognitive, behavioral, emotional and social functioning.
Does my child need therapy?
Who can benefit from child-parent psychotherapy? Children whose lives have been disrupted through experiences of separation and loss early on are at much higher risk for developing mental health/behavioral problems later on and can benefit from play help. Young children are unable to cope alone with moderate to severe grief and anxiety. Others may be suffering from emotional abuse or neglect or unable to play because they lack security of a familiar environment and the containment provided by a caregiver. They may suffer play disruption because the strong emotions of anger and acute anxiety obstruct their ability to play unencumbered. The use of play, together with other forms of support, to repair mother-child attachment can help many children and their families. Some children may benefit from play in which they can re-enact events and play out their inner feelings in symbolic form in the presence of a safe adult. The sense of mastery which symbolic play provides, together with the containment offered by an adult, may help the child restore inner harmony and to be better prepared to cope with the inevitable stressor of life. In addition, parents, who themselves have had difficult childhoods and feel anxious or overwhelmed by the enormous task of parenting and or see themselves stuck in unproductive or damaging patterns with their kids can also benefit from child-parent psychotherapy and or parenting consultation.
Consider child-parent therapy if your child is frequently:
- HAVING RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
- HAVING BEHAVIORAL ISSUES AT SCHOOL OR AT HOME SUCH AS: HYPERACTIVITY, POOR REGULATION OF IMPULSES, NONCOMPLIANCE, DEFIANCE OR PHYSICAL AGGRESSION
- HAVING A HARD TIME EXPRESSING HIS/HER NEEDS
- HAVING A HARD TIME DEALING WITH FRUSTRATION
- HAVING EXCESSIVE OUTBURSTS OF ANGER, FUSSINESS, OR TEMPER TANTRUMS
- HAVING DIFFICULTY MAKING FRIENDS
- HAVING INCREASED FEARS AND WORRIES
- HAVING UNCONTROLLABLE CRYING, SCREAMING AND EATING DISTURBANCES
- HAVING IRRITABILITY, SADNESS OR LACK OF INTEREST IN ACTIVITIES AND IN PLAY
- HAVING INSOMNIA OR SLEEPING A LOT
- HAVING NIGHTMARES OR NIGHT WALKING
- PRESENTING WITH FEELINGS OF WORTHLESSNESS AND GUILT
- HAVING DIFFICULTY SEPARATING FROM PARENTS DURING DAY ACTIVITIES OR AT BEDTIME
- HAVING DIFFICULTY ADJUSTING TO WHAT IS EXPECTED FROM HIM/HER AT THE CURRENT STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT
- BEING CONSISTENTLY "MOODY"
- DISPLAYING AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS OR INFLICTING ANY KIND OF SELF-HARM
"we are only as needy
as our unmet needs."
JOHN BOWLBY
about me
Perhaps I should say my schooling in psychology started when as a little child back in Brazil. My mother was a psychologist and psychoanalyst and many of her peers frequented our house as I was growing up. I remember many spirited get togethers where the human condition was vividly debated.
1994
My career in psychology started in 1994 working at La Casa de Las Madres, a shelter for battered women in San Francisco. There I counseled women and guided them in the process of rebuilding their lives after the separation from their abusive partners. After La Casa, I spent the next few years as a counselor at multiple psychiatric residential programs helping patients transition from the hospital back to independent life.
2000
In 2000, I finished graduate school in clinical psychology at SFSU and was very lucky to get an internship and then a job at the Infant-Parent Program (IPP) at UCSF, where my education and interest for early childhood mental health started. At IPP I learned about the importance of early childhood mental health and its impact on the rest of a person's psychological development. There, I worked at several pre-schools as a Mental Health Consultant and as a Child-Parent psychotherapist.
2003
After almost 3 years at IPP, I went to work at another early childhood program at UCSF, the Child Trauma Research Project (CTRP), with Dr. Alicia Lieberman, a leading Trauma researcher in the US. At CTRP I was introduced to Bowlby's Attachment Theory, and truly fell in love with Attachment based early childhood interventions. There I did research on the effects of Trauma on children and more child-parent psychotherapy. One of my roles at CTRP was to write evaluations and recommendations for the Family judges at the California Supreme Court of San Francisco.
2005
In 2005, I was back doing Early Childhood Mental Health Consultation and Child-Parent psychotherapy for several pre-schools around the Peninsula, in a Partnership between IPP and the Jewish Family and Children's Services. There I remained on and off (I took a year off to be with my first baby, and moved back to Brazil between 2010 and 2012) until 2014.
2017
In 2017 I opened my private practice.
Influences & Inspirations
My professional experience is only a part of what influences and inspires my work. I draw heavily from my personal experiences - including but not limited to, my experience as an immigrant, as a parent, my own experience in many years of therapy, and my experience as a devoted meditator. I am also heavily influenced by several lines of Psychological thinking, Buddhist Philosophy and practice, art and natural sciences in general. Last, but certainly not least, my clients have had a tremendous influence on my work.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
Like anybody else, my early childhood experiences are the foundation to who I have become. Being born and raised in Brazil has shaped me in so many ways, some that even I, am not fully aware of. However having as a relational template a culture that is very emotive, warm and friendly have certainly affected the way I relate to other people in the world and, and more to the point, to my clients. Like a good Brazilian, relationships is where the meaning of my life lies. Another highly formative experience in my life has been the experience of an immigrant. Having had to start over - in a new language, a new culture and a new way of relating, have humbled me and have taught me the power of culture, of roots, and of family. However, nothing has been more transformative than becoming a parent. It didn't matter that I was already an early childhood specialist when I became a parent. When you parent, you parent from your gut, and not from your head. It is an ongoing, arduous and humbling process, to put into practice with my own kids what I know as a child therapist. Embracing this process of growing into the parent I aspire to be has transformed me more than anything else in my life. Other than parenting, being on the receiving end of psychotherapy and being a disciplined meditator have transformed my life in ways I didn't think possible, and has allowed me to become more and more the person that I want to be.
PSYCHOLOGICAL THEORIES
I started my career in psychology being heavily influenced by psychoanalytic and psychodynamic theory. When I started working with young children at the Infant Parent Program, I was introduced to Attachment Theory and I fell in love. It became crystal clear how what happens to us in early childhood powerfully shapes who we become in adulthood. It became obvious to me that it was much more effective to prevent problems at their start than fixing them when they have already taken root later as adults. I realized that I could help parents shape the kind of experiences children have now, changing the projection of their life in a positive way - not to mention contributing toward a better future (I love the saying: “what we to children today they will do onto society later!). Child Development, Interpersonal Neurobiology and Human development are all theories that I draw heavily from. I have attended many conferences, read countless books and debated extensively with my peers these dimensions of the human condition - they have all enriched my life and have tremendously contributed to my growth as a therapist.
BUDDHIST PHILOSOPHY
As I get older and grapple more and more with the questions about what it means to be human and how to create a life that is meaningful and fulfilling I have found that Buddhist teachings have much to offer to me and my clients. Buddhism is a very psychological philosophy and easy to put into use in a psychotherapy practice. Even though Buddhism has taught me so much about how to conduct myself in this world, wouldn't call myself a buddhist per se. I take what I like and leave the rest. In fact, I enjoy just as much when I find teachings in other spiritual traditions and take pleasure in noticing the many similarities between their teachings.
CULTURAL DIVERSITY
Because I was born and raised Brasileira, developing a
multicultural perspective in my practice has kept me
grounded in my humanist beliefs. Over the years, I have
worked with individuals of different ethnicities, creed, age,
immigration status, education and socio-economic
backgrounds. Noticing similarities when dissonance is
expected is as inspiring as acknowledging differences where
generalizations abound. I am also always looking for the
uniqueness of the person while not losing sight of the larger
cultural context.
ART
Any creative manifestation is an attempt of the human mind to communicate impressions, feelings and sensations in a way other than typical language. Art elicits feeling responses in the public. As for the artist, art taps into the right hemisphere, a particular region of the brain responsible for, among other things, storing emotional memories -- “implicit memories.” Artistic expression such as painting, music, sculpture, performance, or poetry gives us access to a rich archive of feelings in a safe and creatively “structured” way that can be especially helpful in the treatment of trauma.
CLIENTS
When I first started my career as a therapist I had great intentions but I had not yet understood that my intellectual knowledge and theories would only take me so far. I thought I had (almost) all the answers and solutions for my clients if they only listened to me. Over time, my clients taught me that life is complicated. Humans have complex and sometimes contradictory needs. I learned that what I needed to do was to throw away all of my preconceived ideas of what I thought they needed and just listen to them. Once I started listening, from a deep and accepting place, my clients had their own solutions - usually much better ones than I could have come up with because those were solutions that were coherent with who they were. My clients have taught me what it means to really help, have taught me to meet them where they are at, they have humbled me and showed me that I don't need to have every answer, I just have to be there for them.